From a Boyfriend’s Perspective

Laura wanted me to do a blog from a boyfriend’s perspective in hopes that other guys that are watching their significant others go through cancer don’t feel alone.

This is from my eyes so it’s really how I personally remembered it and I may be off a little with dates/order of events.

On a Friday back in February, Laura told me the doctor found something in her breast and it was probably serious. That whole weekend was surreal because we knew our lives would be changed forever. We watched a lot of tv and sat on the couch together and I’m pretty sure we didn’t leave the living room. We knew Monday Laura would find out if she for sure had cancer.  I remember on Sunday she cried in bed for hours. It’s so hard to watch someone you love who’s always so full of life, just lay in bed when it’s nice weather outside. She did so much research that entire weekend. She learned everything about the bolt shaped object in her breast. She asked my opinion if I thought it was “jagged.” I told her ya, it definitely feels jagged. We knew then she had cancer.

In the weeks that followed a lot of it was a blur. I just remember a lot of quiet weekends where we didn’t do a lot. It’s the only time in my life I’ve done absolutely nothing for an entire weekend. Not one thing. We did that for several weekends in a row, to a point that it almost became normal. I didn’t really go to the gym or work out, and I gained some weight. It was honestly the lowest I’ve ever felt. We watched all of the seasons of vanderpump rules from the very beginning on hulu. We fell in love with jax and Stassi and couldn’t wait to start the next episode. Side note: We are for sure going to SUR in Los Angeles and Stassi better be our waitress haha. Eventually though, that time period ended.

I remember a moment during those weeks that Laura said “I’m done feeling sorry for myself.” Honestly, from then on we stopped comparing our lives to our friends/co-workers. It wasn’t easy, but it was just something that we had to do. We finally were fine with life being unfair, and it was okay that we were different than everyone else.

I didn’t really want to tell people at work for whatever reason. Laura told my co-worker Amy because they’re pretty good friends. And she’s been amazing. I told the guys at work separately. I texted bones that Laura had cancer and he told me I could have whatever time off I needed. It was an awesome text back that I saved on my phone. I think Laura told Eddie and Lunchboxes wives and then they told their husbands. I remember eddie brought me cookies one night in the studio from his sweet wife. That broke the ice for us guys, and we talked about how Laura had been diagnosed with cancer. It was a really special night with my boys being there for me.

The days passed slowly and Laura had to make a lot of life decisions. She decided to have her breasts removed and get chemo/radiation for 6 months. Her breast surgery day was crazy at work but I snuck away and threw my work on others. Laura’s dad, mom, brother, sister-in-law, were all there. We found out that the cancer was stage 3 and it had moved outside of her breast. When the doctor told us that, I just couldn’t stop thinking about Laura lying so innocently in the hospital bed. There was a lot of crying in the waiting room while Laura was resting after surgery. I remember we had this really expensive 5 star dinner delivered to the hospital and we all ate motionless kind of. I don’t think Laura’s dad ate at all. It hurt so much for me to think of Laura, all alone in a room fighting cancer.

After what seemed like forever, Laura came home and her parents took care of her in the weeks that followed. They were better with blood, and I could only give her so much of my time with work. Her mom and dad changed out her tubes I believe 2-3 times a day, for weeks on end. Watching her dad care for her by removing those cords from her body would make any guy want to be a better man. It was so special to see a father’s love for his daughter.

After weeks of treatments Laura went with her friend to get her hair taken off because she didn’t want to watch it slowly fall out in the shower. That must have been so hard for Laura. She loved her hair so much and took such good care of it. In an instant life took it from her. That really made me mad at how unfair that was, but I had to just move on and get over it.

The chemo treatments were every week and Laura started to slowly lose her energy. I remember the time we went to a titans game and we had to stop at the top of the bridge as the crowd moved past us. Laura was unable to catch her breath for the longest time. On that bridge, we were just two people both so young, with our entire lives in front of us, fighting the effects of cancer unbeknownst to anyone around us. I just held her and told her it was going to be okay until she finally caught her breath. We went to the game and left after the first quarter. I was slowly starting to so see how vicious cancer/chemo really is.

I went to some of the chemo appointments of the 16 but her parents went to the most. Honestly without their help, I would of probably had to quit my job and work as an uber driver at night. That’s the God’s honest truth. Family is so priceless that’s for sure.

In the months that followed Laura completed her chemo and her energy started to come back. We made blue aprons at night together and she taught me how to cook. One time I decided to make her a blue apron. It was apple & cheddar grilled cheese w/ sautéed carrots. It took me over an hour but I was so proud of myself because I finally made her a meal after she had made so many for me.

Well eventually after 6 months she completed chemo and rang the bell! And we had the most amazing brunch celebration with 30+ of our closest friends. Literally every one of our friends came. I will cherish that Instagram picture of everyone forever.

Life is so different now. We celebrate birthdays differently. We aren’t afraid of getting older anymore. We never say “I don’t want to be this age.” We celebrate a lot more. Laura put up the Christmas tree the other day, even before Halloween haha. On Friday nights we go downstairs to hang out with the neighbors for the first time and we never miss a Saturday brunch at M street. Life is different now and we’re finally cool with that.

Laura is walking this weekend in the making strides of nashville event at titans stadium. We plan to walk across that same bridge with friends, family, the B team and never look back.

Thanks for reading! Boyfriend out!

Published by

tatatocancer

I was diagnosed with Stage IIIA Grade 2, HR/PR positive HER2 negative breast cancer at age 31. I am now NED!

14 thoughts on “From a Boyfriend’s Perspective”

  1. Can’t help but shed a million years. Thank you for sharing your story with us 💛 I was diagnosed with a rare form of MS last year and I know people often ask me about how I’m feeling – but tend to forget how much life changed for my husband as well. I’m so happy you have such an amazing family to help you through.. I’ve learned first hand how blessed I am for mine. Hearing Ray share the story about your dad is just too perfect, I pray that when you have little ones that someday they too, will be watching him and want to be just like he is. Life is all about the little things, that’s for sure. Cheers to a happy and healthy beautiful future together!!

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  2. Thanks Ray. I just got off of the phone with my wife who is feeling defeated today because of “chemo brain”. She finished out round 14 last Friday with 6 more to go. She’s feeling defeated and I think she’s the most incredible person to endure this battle and to just “show up”. It’s great to read that their is another side to this fight. I want to be a better man too. Here’s to you sir! Here’s to being better men.

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  3. Amazing… the support.. the love.. and Gods Grace… how you guys got to the point of not feeling sorry and not comparing… what a testimony.. May God continue to bless you all..

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Very proud to be related to you, son. Sometimes, it takes a tragedy to help us realize how precious our loved ones are. You, Laura and God have been a great team! Always remember that. Love you! Mama

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Cried like a baby reading this. It’s so important to realize our significant others feelings. My husband dealt with my diagnosis in his own way and this puts those feeling so into words! Thank you for being so honest, Ray! Hugs Laura!

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  6. Wow, both of you are so lucky to have one another, that’s real honest LOVE. Thank you for sharing your story Ray! Hugs Laura! My boyfriend also stayed by my side through rough times and surgery i had to go through, it takes a strong loving man to stay and support the one he loves.

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  7. All the feels! You are lucky to have each other! 💕 I know you both are inspirational for so many people! Cheers to a happy life ahead of you both!

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  8. Wow Ray! I’ve come to know Laura via IG (you know when the you guys talk about your best friend on IG that you don’t really know- that’s me!) I started following Laura’s journey and it was so amazing to see this young, strong , beautiful woman fight a beast with complete grace and class. I’ve always loved you on BBS- you’re so funny! But I am so proud of the man you’ve been for Bae! You guys are such an awesome couple! I include Laura in my prayers often! Enjoy the walk this weekend! Y’all have earned it! 🎀

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  9. You are amazeballs!!! Keep loving her and your life together! You are 100% correct, family and friends mean everything when it comes to getting through this terrible vicious disease!!

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  10. Continued prayers for you both and others fighting! I discovered the Bobby Bones show last year and have followed your story since. I lost my wife Holly this summer to this terrible disease. I have two young boys 4 and 12. I will never see anyone stronger than my wife was during her fight and I am sure you feel the same way. When She was first diagnosed, I reached out to another husband who gave me advice. I have been blessed that friends she made during treatment who are now Cancer free have been family to me and the boys. I hope to continue to give back and raise awareness anyway we can going forward.

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  11. I have to say that I admire you Laura for your strength and beauty and Ray…I could not get through this blog without crying… You are amazing for standing by her and this was beautifully written… God bless you both and thank you for being so inspiring!!!!

    Lisa

    “B Team Member”

    ________________________________

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  12. I made contact with your girl early on in this journey to give support and treatment tips, she was so sweet. Reading your side of things brought a tear to my eye. Cancer is not something anyone should ever face alone. I make sure to hug my patients significant others, they are facing their own journey. Glad she has you and you have her to build more memories as you two continue life’s long winding road.

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